love

Leave (poem – to the battered and abused)

Poetry

When they’re willing to hurt you,
Rather than heal themselves.
Minimize and avoid and dodge,
Hate themselves and treat you the same.

Receive all the blame for pain,
Become Christ’s sacrificial flesh.
Pinned up on his wall like a butterfly,
Only admirable to them if you’re dead.

Vampiric presence drains my blood,
Young maiden prized for her beauty.
Offering tenderness and pierced by fangs,
Fooled by her bleeding foolish heart.

Waging a crusade against you,
Holy war to destroy your sense of self.
Love yourself enough to leave,
Cleanse yourself of the father’s sins.

Painful Sex (short story)

Prose

We were in a long-distance relationship. He was visiting for five days. I wanted to give him fun, sexy memories for his return. So when the sex hurt, I said nothing.

He was pushing it in too far, too hard. It was too rough. My body is to blame, I thought. I have to instruct it to relax instead of clench during sex. I’ve learned this about it. That’s how I learned to enjoy sex. Enjoyment doesn’t just happen without conscious effort on my part. So my body wasn’t relaxing properly. It was too accustomed to seizing up, and it was making the sex painful for itself.

I have to suffer through certain things to receive the benefit of human connection. In order to feel bonded to someone, I must endure the pain they bring me. I wanted to be intimate with him. I had no right to complain if he hurt my body, because I let him in.

But my body just knows the pain. That same pain when others stole and damaged her without any permission. My body doesn’t think he’s any different. I don’t know how to reassure her. I sacrificed her for his comfort. I betrayed her. I don’t deserve her trust. I can’t protect her. I failed.

I was scared of what it meant if I said anything. Would it mean I revoked consent? All sexual activity must cease with all due haste? Would I be withdrawing from certain aspects of the relationship? Would I earn his ire and contempt? I didn’t want to ruin anything for me or him. And given the uncertainty of the possible consequences before me, I became mute. Frozen in fear. My most familiar and comfortable response.

Purple (poem)

Poetry

Blue for boys and pink for girls,
Blushing red elephants and donkeys singing blues.
My capacity to love excludes neither side,
Blending identities into a cocktail of self.

Royal lineage destined for greatness,
Downfall through madness and cruelty.
Draped in colors steeped in culture,
Symbols call forth a foreign legacy.

Lavender hues relax the mind,
Stretch to exhaustion and find respite.
Inhale the scent of validation,
Lungs filled with peace and clarity at last.

Masculine strength and feminine wiles,
Flexing mastery over binary categoricals.
Suffused sexuality overflowing,
Rainbow spectrum tumbling fluidly.

Definitions undecided and pursuing worth,
Rejection’s blows echo through time.
Familial loss crumbling beneath you,
Stand on my head to feel stable.

Mulberry wine with amethyst skies,
Drunk on love and newfound desire.
Female spirit in the body of a man,
Encrust my heart with precious gems.

Ex (poem)

Poetry

Parts of her in you urge me to flee,

Shrines of her memory reside within.

You worshiped a god that left you,

Yet you prefer delusions to faithlessness.

Grasping at an angel’s hem,

Pleading her for salvation.

Recover the soul shards given away freely,

No consideration for a devil’s bargain.

You learned her ways and let it mold you,

Devoted your life’s purpose to her will. 

Can’t offer to me what’s given away,

Empty gaps filled by voids.

Lucky (poem)

Poetry

Fortune in the form of a cat,
Slink into your life to bestow a gift.
Pounce and kill those who hurt you,
Licking wounds with her scratchy tongue.

Let me bat away your worries,
Listen to my purrs instead.
Dig my claws into your chest,
Massage the aching heart beneath.

Show me care and I’ll teach you,
How to see and feel the divine.
Love me and feed your spirit,
That energy that lingers after death.

Cats choose their humans,
Only our bodies can be held captive.
Make us happy to bring luck,
The bounties of fulfillment await.

Faith (poem)

Poetry

Maybe you’re just a pretty lie,
But your shape keeps me warm at night.
Even delusions help internally stabilize,
But collisions with reality can be fatal.

Imagine your presence here,
I’m not alone with these thoughts.
My protector’s with me in bed,
The predators circle from a distance.

Honeyed words spark suspicion,
Reminiscent of the devil’s deceits.
Her taint still lingers on you,
Clouded aura opaque as mud.

Future dreams remain a guidepost,
Domestic bliss awaits us.
Curtained by the present,
Bold caution moving forward.

Soulmate (poem)

Poetry

Red string of fate,
Tied to our thumbs.
Common roots of suffering,
Echo across the universe.

Ghosts embedded in flesh,
Erupt under touch.
Embracing through ghoulish screams,
Finding refuge in the other’s body.

Each kiss that lands,
Our souls creep closer.
Activating catalyst,
Collision burning bright.

Nest of dancing flames,
Settle into chaos.
Mews of our brood,
Interspecies love babies.

Alone all our lives,
Imagining your existence.
Living in your heart,
Soothe me with your presence.

Bite your chin to warn you,
Not to leave me again.
I’ve waited for eternity,
To have your warmth at night.

Past lives prepared us,
Separate journeys to arrive.
Splitting of a nucleus,
In time finally combined.