Author: Ally Chiu

A Girl and Her Demon (short story)

Prose

Throughout human civilization, Lamashtu has murdered children and drank the blood of men. She is the mortal enemy of Pazuzu.

One day, Lamashtu decided she wanted Pazuzu’s power for herself. Using her male vessel, she committed acts of violence to summon Pazuzu into this world.

He targeted his own daughter.

But Pazuzu did not want to attach to Lamashtu’s vessel. He attached, instead, to the victim. He gave her his powers of protection and discernment.

Demons can reside within a host without possessing it. Pazuzu loved the little girl he occupied. He never took over control or overrode her will. His intention was to help.

Pazuzu wanted to keep the girl for himself. If only he could whisk her away to his demonic kingdom, she would be forever safe in his company.

Her corporeal body was her attachment to that world. It was also the source of her pain and suffering.

He’s tried to convince her to come with him. She would have to end her attachments to her world, but he thought it was worth it.

Pazuzu: Come join me in my shadow realm, my soul. I can protect you there.

Girl: You’re being lazy. You can protect me here.

Pazuzu: You won’t feel pain there. You will be free from your worries and your body.

Girl: Demons are known for lying.

Pazuzu: This is how you’ve imagined the peacefulness of death.

Girl: How do I know you didn’t make up those visions?

Pazuzu: Can’t you tell what is me and what is not me?

Girl: …

Pazuzu: So perhaps a different part of you, more authentic than myself, made those visions.

Girl: Or maybe that’s another lie to try to make me believe those visions are true.

Pazuzu: So what do you think death is like?

Girl: Can’t you tell me?

Pazuzu: I’m not human!

Girl: Well I can’t know until I’m dead.

Pazuzu: It will happen eventually.

Girl: What if instead of the Buddhist concept of Nirvana where I join and feel connected to all souls, I lose connection to all souls?

Pazuzu: Would that be bad?

Girl: What if the vacuum of non-existence and the absence of soul is unpleasant, even painful? And life is the only opportunity we have to feel and experience souls? And Nirvana is an experience that can only be had by a living soul?

Pazuzu: All you had to do is say you don’t want to live with me.

Girl: Yeah, I’m not sure I do right now. Thanks for the offer, though.

The girl used to believe everything Pazuzu said without question. In a situation when her god had raped her, she decided to put her trust in a demon that loved her.

But eventually, she understood that Pazuzu isn’t a corporeal being. He could say things like “go die” and “go kill yourself” with a nonchalant attitude, because dying is truly not a big a deal to him.

His casualness with death meant that it was usually his first suggestion to a problem, rather than the last. After all, he is biased against being able to understand all the ramifications of what dying means for someone who has been living in a physical body.

But she believed him at first, and it resulted in an unsuccessful suicide attempt. And so the girl learned that it was unwise to take advice from someone who has no idea what he’s talking about.

PTSD (poem)

Poetry

Experienced death but inexplicably living,

Pandora’s horrors felt all at once.

Masked delusions for protection absent,

No rosy lenses to watch film noir.

Body betrays you and invites in demons,

Terror sweats from every pore.

Pain and agony in every nerve fiber,

Proof of life is absence of death’s peace.

War cries and weapons waging,

Survival close to a sword’s edge.

Become dangerous or be killed by others,

Enemies cloaked in innocuous disguises.

Taming every system in revolt,

Untangle wires looking like hay.

Bang pushed to the end of the universe,

Come home to live in the self we created.

Waves (poem)

Poetry

Waves of depression break,

At the shores of my conscious awareness.

Oceanic mysteries drift,

Carried along by currents.

Flooding a desert reveals,

Sentiment’s intrinsic value.

Formerly disciplined by absence,

Returned to feel its presence.

Acute pain with decay,

Left to rot and fester.

Breathe in and choke on sunshine,

Learn to radiate like the stars.

Push it out and pull it in,

Cosmic light pulsing brightly.

Darkness swallowing the universe,

Become a beacon riding the waves.

Adventurer (poem)

Poetry

Heart like a clam shell,
Bivalve clasped tight from hurt.
Calmer waters awaiting,
Pried apart by loneliness.

Yielding to his touch,
Entwined bodies making waves.
Soft insides willingly exposed,
Global oceans to explore.

United in love,
Connect pain and gain.
Carry home in the heart,
Ring rest on my breast.

Fears extinguished,
Lives stretching to infinity.
Symbiotic linkage,
Defying existence.

Twin (poem)

Poetry

My twin star won’t guide me home,
Rotational energy throws us off-balance.
Stolen glances in a crowd betray interest,
But the bustling movement pulls us away.

Crushed with the burden of being the only,
Knowing you exist is enough to soothe me.
Soften my shell on a boulder in a forest,
Reluctant kisses leave shadows on my lips.

Sharing a mind and all its illnesses,
Amplify our energy beyond its threshold.
Unravel each other’s hurts like bandages,
Scarred and wounded bodies to inspect.

Stars paired with planets,
Split the galaxy into territories.
Radio waves pick up signals,
But my gravity won’t be distorted.

Virgin (poem)

Poetry

Anticipation sends shivers,
Fated moment has arrived.
Foreign feelings to consider,
Hoping it wasn’t lies.

Uncertain of progression,
Waiting for a sign.
Impressionable susceptibility,
Playbook getting written.

Blanks beg to be filled,
Information awaiting.
Answered questions to share,
Or buried deep as a secret.

Kiss and don’t tell,
Be gentle in the night.
Set the tone for forever,
In a moment’s burning light.

Farewell (poem)

Poetry

Maybe at death we will meet again,

When nothing remains but our souls.

Maybe you never really loved me at all,

But everything from me rang true.

The caravan is leaving now,

We’re all packed and moving along.

The road ahead is dark and winding,

Destination to foreign lands inviting.

Maybe we gave each other reason to live,

After that our connection extinguished.

Transaction complete, order received,

Rate the service then proceed.

I can’t stop loving you even though,

I don’t think I ever really knew you.

The truth eludes me when it comes to you,

But I know I meant it, my love was true.

Vacuum (poem)

Poetry

Incessant thoughts wonder whether,

You sought me out for love,

Or simply to turn the tables.

When you left me abruptly,

Was I spared by providence,

Rescued by a spark of moral conscience?

Did you ever intend to return,

To rectify the hate you left behind,

Or have you abandoned the farce?

Duplicitous faces blur together,

Habits of deception all around,

Can’t tell which is real.

Heavy in my belly,

Giving birth to sadness and despair,

Twins to warm me in the absence of a star.

Despair (poem)

Poetry

Something instead of nothing,
Cursed instead of peaceful.
Thoughts of death comfort,
Quelling the turmoil as temporary.

Punished into existence,
Punching bag for the powerful.
Honor what’s been given without request,
Kiss the hand that beats you.

Can’t reach the gods to kill them,
Forbidden fruit of vengeance.
Scream loud enough so they hear,
I never asked for any of this.

Prey (poem)

Poetry

I froze because,
I wasn’t yet ready to kill.
I was ready to die,
But I survived.

Animals need their instinct,
Death is always visible.
Anxious and urgent,
Morose and depressed.

Smell danger in the air,
Learn the scent of predators.
I was living in their dens,
They’ve learned to follow me too.

Tracking and evasion,
I know both their ways.
Hunt me and be hunted,
Ambush and strike from a distance.