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Leave (poem – to the battered and abused)

Poetry

When they’re willing to hurt you,
Rather than heal themselves.
Minimize and avoid and dodge,
Hate themselves and treat you the same.

Receive all the blame for pain,
Become Christ’s sacrificial flesh.
Pinned up on his wall like a butterfly,
Only admirable to them if you’re dead.

Vampiric presence drains my blood,
Young maiden prized for her beauty.
Offering tenderness and pierced by fangs,
Fooled by her bleeding foolish heart.

Waging a crusade against you,
Holy war to destroy your sense of self.
Love yourself enough to leave,
Cleanse yourself of the father’s sins.

Painful Sex (short story)

Prose

We were in a long-distance relationship. He was visiting for five days. I wanted to give him fun, sexy memories for his return. So when the sex hurt, I said nothing.

He was pushing it in too far, too hard. It was too rough. My body is to blame, I thought. I have to instruct it to relax instead of clench during sex. I’ve learned this about it. That’s how I learned to enjoy sex. Enjoyment doesn’t just happen without conscious effort on my part. So my body wasn’t relaxing properly. It was too accustomed to seizing up, and it was making the sex painful for itself.

I have to suffer through certain things to receive the benefit of human connection. In order to feel bonded to someone, I must endure the pain they bring me. I wanted to be intimate with him. I had no right to complain if he hurt my body, because I let him in.

But my body just knows the pain. That same pain when others stole and damaged her without any permission. My body doesn’t think he’s any different. I don’t know how to reassure her. I sacrificed her for his comfort. I betrayed her. I don’t deserve her trust. I can’t protect her. I failed.

I was scared of what it meant if I said anything. Would it mean I revoked consent? All sexual activity must cease with all due haste? Would I be withdrawing from certain aspects of the relationship? Would I earn his ire and contempt? I didn’t want to ruin anything for me or him. And given the uncertainty of the possible consequences before me, I became mute. Frozen in fear. My most familiar and comfortable response.

Ex (poem)

Poetry

Parts of her in you urge me to flee,

Shrines of her memory reside within.

You worshiped a god that left you,

Yet you prefer delusions to faithlessness.

Grasping at an angel’s hem,

Pleading her for salvation.

Recover the soul shards given away freely,

No consideration for a devil’s bargain.

You learned her ways and let it mold you,

Devoted your life’s purpose to her will. 

Can’t offer to me what’s given away,

Empty gaps filled by voids.

Lucky (poem)

Poetry

Fortune in the form of a cat,
Slink into your life to bestow a gift.
Pounce and kill those who hurt you,
Licking wounds with her scratchy tongue.

Let me bat away your worries,
Listen to my purrs instead.
Dig my claws into your chest,
Massage the aching heart beneath.

Show me care and I’ll teach you,
How to see and feel the divine.
Love me and feed your spirit,
That energy that lingers after death.

Cats choose their humans,
Only our bodies can be held captive.
Make us happy to bring luck,
The bounties of fulfillment await.

Baby (poem)

Poetry

Gestate in my womb,
Constructed by my body.
Form taking shape,
Nose framed by long whiskers.

Stick figure limbs,
Slinky soft body.
Floppy and mushy,
Most fragile miracle.

Take after me,
Raised to be independent.
But able to connect,
Even beyond me.

Meaning given purpose,
Extinguishment exquisite.
So long as she lives,
I’ll live to care for her.

Twilight (poem)

Poetry

Roused from a dream,
Uncertain of reality.
Ghostly presence,
Fading from its haunting.

Gripped by passion,
Suddenly absent.
Passed away in the night,
Dead by day’s light.

Utopian skyline,
Shadows cast long.
Ideals float upwards,
Lighter than breath.

Buried in dirt,
Bodies burnt to ash.
Gravestones memorialize,
Love’s last longing.

Care (poem)

Poetry

Indulgent words,
Cool indifference.
Shifting pieces,
But unmoved yourself.

Feeling distress,
Push out the pain.
Seeking victims,
Blinded by self-interest.

Calculating needs,
Overestimate your own.
Lacking perspective,
Justifying lies.

Placate and please,
But lacking sincerity.
Apathetic at heart,
Dead to the world.

Planetary orbit,
Celestial bodies.
Coldness of space,
No warmth in your soul.

Special (poem)

Poetry

Your needs aren’t typical,
Your thoughts, unconventional.
Eyes, they say, distorted,
They call you a freak.

Your buses are shorter,
The masses, they jeer.
You’re locked in a cage,
While they all go free.

Try to be like them,
Resented regardless.
Go it alone,
Viciously attacked.

No allies for the special,
Charity case at best.
They know what you are,
So why don’t you?

Tell yourself lies,
Conforming is best.
Sick in a sick world,
It’s how it has to be.

Until you find your tribe,
Queerdos just like you.
Driven into hiding,
But seeking you all along.

Portrait (poem)

Poetry

Brushstrokes layered,
Canvas still white.
Rough outlines emerge,
Essence elusive.

Sitting model fidgets,
Restless and bored.
Constantly shifting,
Blurring the image.

Set off for a moment,
Never to return.
Incomplete portrait staring,
Blank spaces to fill.

Interpreting visions,
Fairy whispers of truth.
Legacy everlasting,
Ugly pictures of you.