Stabbed in the trauma,
Inflicted once again.
Scar tissue rendered flexible,
Elastic armor shielding.
Walk through fire unscathed,
Witches mothering cats.
Fury rains with curses,
Gifts to bless withheld.
Healing power directed inward,
Inner strength grows within.
Pot brimming with soil,
Roots spread to prepare for bloom.
Integrate our fractures,
Accept each broken part.
Sand down, buffer, polish,
Groomed all around.
The world tells you to shine brighter,
Share your light with all around you.
Not until you’re attacked do you realize,
You’ve been making yourself a target.
Monsters don’t just live in the shadows,
Day-walkers prowl for prey everywhere.
Jealous gazes suppress your talents,
Believe them and know you have nothing.
Major failures have failed to stop you,
Your heroes watch to catch you stumble.
This world defies your very existence,
Camouflage hides your contributions.
Death without acceptance,
But simply unacceptable for who you are.
Star unburned by the atmosphere,
Feel the fires of human contempt instead.
He’s attracted when you’re vulnerable,
And repelled when you’re strong.
He loves it when you’re crying,
Stab you and give you a hug.
The glass man wears judicial robes,
Shattered into pieces by his own gavel.
Shards of self to use as bait,
While a collage would be more pleasing.
Resentful lamprey seeking vengeance,
Prowling the ocean’s floors.
For sick wounded bleeding creatures,
Sharks are not the only predators.
Rejecting attitudes of masculinity,
Denies him of flesh and bone.
He’ll graft himself into your body,
Poison your mind with his own.
When they’re willing to hurt you,
Rather than heal themselves.
Minimize and avoid and dodge,
Hate themselves and treat you the same.
Receive all the blame for pain,
Become Christ’s sacrificial flesh.
Pinned up on his wall like a butterfly,
Only admirable to them if you’re dead.
Vampiric presence drains my blood,
Young maiden prized for her beauty.
Offering tenderness and pierced by fangs,
Fooled by her bleeding foolish heart.
Waging a crusade against you,
Holy war to destroy your sense of self.
Love yourself enough to leave,
Cleanse yourself of the father’s sins.
We were in a long-distance relationship. He was visiting for five days. I wanted to give him fun, sexy memories for his return. So when the sex hurt, I said nothing.
He was pushing it in too far, too hard. It was too rough. My body is to blame, I thought. I have to instruct it to relax instead of clench during sex. I’ve learned this about it. That’s how I learned to enjoy sex. Enjoyment doesn’t just happen without conscious effort on my part. So my body wasn’t relaxing properly. It was too accustomed to seizing up, and it was making the sex painful for itself.
I have to suffer through certain things to receive the benefit of human connection. In order to feel bonded to someone, I must endure the pain they bring me. I wanted to be intimate with him. I had no right to complain if he hurt my body, because I let him in.
But my body just knows the pain. That same pain when others stole and damaged her without any permission. My body doesn’t think he’s any different. I don’t know how to reassure her. I sacrificed her for his comfort. I betrayed her. I don’t deserve her trust. I can’t protect her. I failed.
I was scared of what it meant if I said anything. Would it mean I revoked consent? All sexual activity must cease with all due haste? Would I be withdrawing from certain aspects of the relationship? Would I earn his ire and contempt? I didn’t want to ruin anything for me or him. And given the uncertainty of the possible consequences before me, I became mute. Frozen in fear. My most familiar and comfortable response.
Blue for boys and pink for girls,
Blushing red elephants and donkeys singing blues.
My capacity to love excludes neither side,
Blending identities into a cocktail of self.
Royal lineage destined for greatness,
Downfall through madness and cruelty.
Draped in colors steeped in culture,
Symbols call forth a foreign legacy.
Lavender hues relax the mind,
Stretch to exhaustion and find respite.
Inhale the scent of validation,
Lungs filled with peace and clarity at last.
Masculine strength and feminine wiles,
Flexing mastery over binary categoricals.
Suffused sexuality overflowing,
Rainbow spectrum tumbling fluidly.
Definitions undecided and pursuing worth,
Rejection’s blows echo through time.
Familial loss crumbling beneath you,
Stand on my head to feel stable.
Mulberry wine with amethyst skies,
Drunk on love and newfound desire.
Female spirit in the body of a man,
Encrust my heart with precious gems.
Snuggled and cozy,
Tightly squeezed all around.
Fresh tortillas from the griddle,
Hidden treasures bedded within.
Endless variations,
Joy dances on the palette.
Peppers blended to taste,
Flavors kick up a sweat.
Wrapped in his arms,
Comfort food on his lips.
Sweet words and savory touch,
Burrito boy serving love.
When my tongue reached out,
Sought sweetness from the honeysuckles.
Rewarded for my bravery,
Exploration of my solitude.
Roses claim a wheelbarrow,
Rusty gates kept nothing out.
Breathing in your absence,
Your thorn hidden under scars.
Destined for greater,
Whittle away childish days.
Become a hero who can rescue,
Bury the dead upon return.
Accolades and triumphs to the legend,
History’s pages know you well.
Find the lost love left behind,
Warrior’s longing put to rest at last.
Breathe life into clay,
Mud man does your bidding.
No will of his own,
Sacrificial statue.
Taking orders from mortals,
Temporary despots.
Life cycles and replacements,
Varying continuity.
Possessed by a demon,
Unmanned bodies.
Settle into controls,
Gears and buttons to maneuver.
Unformed in its form,
Burst suddenly into chaos.
Descent of a cipher,
Unanticipated by all.
My life was sold in a devil’s bargain,
Born to a mad king and slave queen.
They got sent to hell but I started here,
Demonic imp to do their bidding.
Saddled and ridden on a carousel,
Parading my scars for praise.
Bronzed and shining like a token,
Robbing her riches in the shadows.
I’ve already lost everything and lived,
There’s nothing I can’t give up.
Nothing to lose and everything to gain,
This world will tremble before me.
Dead from the start and learning to live,
Nothing to fear when the return occurs.
Numb embrace of my oldest friend,
Kill the pain and drop it in the jackpot.
Surrounded by winnings I can’t carry,
Shackled to the table to play the game.
Earning it back and then some,
Paid what’s owed with interest.
Chiu on This 